


commiserate

by CeliaBlair24



Series: blue bellies [4]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Some thoughts on the war, Suki had THOUGHTS, Suki is just trying to deal with feelings, Suki- centric, Toph is annoyed, Zuko Sokka and Katara are emotionally wrought teenagers, and the Gaang's ages, let them angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27697301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeliaBlair24/pseuds/CeliaBlair24
Summary: In the aftermath of Aang's death, Suki finds herself dealing with a minor conflict between Katara, Zuko, and Sokka regarding where they will be headed from here on out.
Relationships: Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Katara & Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Zuko
Series: blue bellies [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1411789
Kudos: 21





	commiserate

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my goddddddddddddd, I wanted to update this fic series for a while now, but I never had the time nor the compunction (blame the untamed!). But here I am! I... honestly have no idea how to feel about this entry but. 
> 
> It's here. It's done. Please, enjoy yourselves.

Even if Suki hadn’t known him, even if they hadn’t been in the middle of a war… there’s something distinctly heartbreaking about outliving a twelve-year-old, Avatar or not.

It was over in seconds. One moment she’s staring, awed, at blinding bright light and the next moment… well, she doesn’t remember much of it, except for the way the air had felt abruptly cold, the night finally edging through the reds and oranges of the comet’s streak across the sky.

Sokka had been screaming, she thinks.

Ozai, though visibly weakened, wasn’t slumped over. Unmoving as Aang was, that had been enough for him.

_(For all that Ozai was a tyrant, Suki hadn’t expected the utter lack of hesitation when he-)_

_(It was over quickly, at least. There was no pain to be had. This is her only consolation.)_

Suki feels guilt, of course. She’s older, if only by a handful of years. She’s more experienced, more mature, more… and perhaps what she was- all that she was- could never be enough to match up against the Firelord at his peak but-

Aang was twelve. Sure, he was master of two elements, on his path to mastering two more, but Suki’s seen more rain-damp summers than Aang’s lived years and that just strikes her as supremely unfair. How could the world have placed all of its expectations on a child? The war had gone on for over a hundred years, why did it have to take a turn now when they could have had more time to prepare, to train, to gather some troops together, to _something-_

Maybe it’s a selfish thought. Maybe it goes against the doctrine of the entire world. Suki doesn’t really care.

She’s sixteen years old, Leader of the Kyoshi Warriors, and a war child. She’s more experienced in combat than most- better, perhaps, than most as well- but she is still a summer short from ever being feasibly conscripted, female or no. She’s still three years away from becoming a blooded woman, still five years away from ever expecting to be married off.

She’s the second oldest of the Avatar’s companions. The youngest of them- powerful as she is- is younger than Aang ever will be by two full seasons.

Suki wonders when the world had become so mental, how it could ever allow for six children to shoulder the force of its resistance.

She’d ask about it if she could. She’d pray to the spirits if only so she could scream her way into getting her answers.

It’s unfair. It really is.

The guilt eats away at her every thought like the icy slosh of the ocean in midwinter. It prickles over the skin between her fingers, over her palms, and the backs of her arms until she feels like tearing her skin right off if only to get away from the relentless chill, so cold that it burns.

Spirits.

Suki’s a war child. She’s lost aunts and uncles and parents. She’s mourned, the same as anyone.

The grief just never seems to abate, no matter how much practice she gets in. The death of another close friend? That’s a nick in the metal plates of her arm guard. A tally, as if lives were as frivolous as days.

Maybe they are.

It’s been a hundred years since the war had begun, after all, and still, it persists.

_(That was the closest we had gotten to hope in a long time. Now we wait again…)_

They’d spent a week deliberating their next course of action after the memorial. Suki and Toph had decided to add their lumps to whatever majority Katara, Sokka, and Zuko came up to. That had, perhaps, been a mistake.

While Zuko- who had wanted to head to Ba Sing Se immediately- was initially amenable to changing courses for a time, Katara was not and refused to budge. What ensued was a very heated argument between brother and sister regarding the merits of visiting their tribe and remaining family as opposed to headed straight back into war after their friend-slash-greatest hope in the world had just been murdered. Zuko, trying to help settle the argument, only served to make matters worse.

Now, well.

“Gran-Gran won’t mind if we crash there for a couple of days. We need to see her, anyway.” Sokka’s been tireder in the last several days than he has been in all the time Suki has known him. He sounds like damp wood in a fire, all scratched in the throat and low as a whisper.

They don’t sleep in the same room anymore. For reasons.

Suki places a hand over the curl of his finger and listens to his ragged breathing as he snatches his hand away from her as if burnt.

“What do you think, Zuko?”

Suki thinks that if Sokka looks tired, then Zuko looks a step away from unconsciousness. He’s been spending more time cooped up at the head of the airship than Suki herself, only ever drawing away for food or if Toph wakes from another of her nightmares. He’s a good pretender, though, if only because he ignores every sign of vulnerability like it’s earth about to fall out from under him.

_(The habit will get him killed, in the long run-)_

Zuko glances up from where he’d been focused tracing out their flight pattern on one of the engine room’s maps. His startled gold eyes meet hers for a fraction of a moment- slide away when he turns, almost at the same time as her.

“I think your Grandmother will remember my face and feed you your fingers for daring to bring me with you. That’s just me, though.”

“So what? You want us to dump you in the ocean before we arrive? We’re a day out from landing, _Zuzu-_ ”

“Don’t call me that.” Zuko snaps.

“Whatever.”

That’s another thing. Not unexpected but.

But.

“Boys.” Suki calls, pursing her lips when they each refuse to even look her way. Toph’s glaring at the ceiling from her seat beside Zuko, so at least she knows she’s not alone in her annoyance. “We’re never going to get anywhere if half the time we’re together, we’re arguing.”

Sokka scoffs.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Zuko, for his part, seems to be determined to look as if his soul’s left at least this side of their meeting room. Suki rolls her eyes, hard-pressed to center her annoyance when they’re acting like- _like-_

“’Tara woke up.” Toph yawns, patting the floor with her toes in a rhythm of some sort. Shrugs, when they all turn to face her. “She’s pretending to sleep but. And it’s your turn to force-feed her, fan-girl.”

Toph looks at Suki with wide, pale eyes. The smirk she wears is a hollow thing, only serving to highlight the dark bags beneath her eyes and the wiry mess that has become of her hair. Suki sighs.

“Don’t murder each other.” Suki warns, giving the three of them a hard stare before walking out of the engine room. The conversation that starts up is calm, at least. Quieter.

Suki makes a beeline for the “lounge” area at the end of the hall. Apparently a Princesses’ secret, undercover airship was very comfortable on a good day, and this one had been about to be in use, if not for the change in Firelord Ozai’s plans. They’d pushed a bunch of the furniture around, had the room retrofitted as a sleeping-dining area. It was comfy, even if they didn’t have it in them to appreciate it.

“Katara…?” Suki calls, side-stepping a bag beside the archway. Katara is a bundle of blankets nearly against the wall, Momo chattering from her other side, as if in the midst of a story. “Hey there. It’s me, Suki.”

“I’m asleep.” Katara says, sullen. Her hand makes an aborted move towards Momo’s ears, before dropping away to rest on his back, visibly shaking.

“I’m the only one in the room if that helps you any.”

Katara shrugs, more shifting of blankets than any real movement. Suki sighs, slowly making towards the waterbender until her feet meet the edge of feathery, chicken-sheep wool.

“Are you gonna force me out of my blanket bundle?”

Suki shrugs. Waits out Katara’s answer as she shuffles around in her blankets, seemingly keen on keeping her face out of view.

“Zuko sat here from half a day last time before he gave up.” _You should just leave,_ she means to say.

Fair enough.

“Zuko made lunch today. I confiscated the spices, so it’s not too bad.” Momo, apparently tired of Katara’s back-scratching, chitters a short farewell before dashing off into the dark of the hallway.

“I’m not hungry.” Katara says, further curling into her blanket mound and away from view. Suki frowns.

“You didn’t eat yesterday.”

“I ate a snack.”

“Toph’s in charge of the snacks, she said you didn’t eat anything.” A curl of Katara’s hair manages to slip out from under her pillow, slick with oil and limp as a rag.

“Katara…”

Katara curls into herself further, still.

“You know, your brother’s worried about you.”

“He’d come tell me that himself if he were.”

They hit an impasse. This is not unexpected, either.

“You know what he’s like,” Suki tries to say, stops. Clears her throat and tries again.

“He’s just stressed.” She says instead. Katara huffs.

“We’re going to see Gran-Gran,” Katara mumbles. “She’ll take one look at us and know what happened. She won’t even have to look at my face, either. She’ll be so disappointed.”

“So you understand.” Katara still appreciates a friendly hand, at least. She doesn’t shrug Suki off when the warrior takes her shaking hands into her own. Suki frowns, rubbing at Katara’s palms to work out the cold.

“Suki,” Katara says, face still half-hidden by a pillow. One blue eye greets her hesitantly when she turns. Blinks, and turns to face the opposite wall of the room instead. “…It’s gonna be a lot colder than you’re used to.”

Suki tries for a smile at that comment and doesn’t quite manage it. Her hand in Katara’s will have to do.

“I’m sure we can make use of some of these blankets, no? The airship is pretty warm, too, and there’s always Zuko.”

Suki gets a sniffle in response, one she’s tactful enough to not point out.

“Gran-Gran’s gonna give Zuko the tongue-lashing of a lifetime.” Katara giggles wetly.

“Five copper pieces says Toph blackmails him for it, afterward.” Suki concurs.

“That’s easy,” Katara says. “Five copper pieces says Zuko cries while Gran-Gran scolds him.”

Suki smirks, smoothing back Katara’s hair from where more of her has popped up from under her pillow. Katara lets her.

“Ten for both?” She goads.

“Deal!”

They sit in silence for a while after, nothing to accompany them but the flickering flame of the lamplight on the table at the edge of the room. Katara’s come a bit more out of her blanket mound but still refuses to look at Suki in the eyes. Although Suki could never claim that she’d been uncomfortable all that while, it’s easy, in that silence, to fall into restlessness, her mind running amok with a dozen more different anxieties, regrets, that guilt like a chill up her spine that always seems to claw at her, these days-

“You weren’t lying about Sokka?” Katara asks, hesitant. Her hand twitches from within Suki’s grasp, as if she were trying to pull it away.

Suki firms her grip and tries for her smile again.

“I don’t think I need to answer that for you, ‘Tara.”

It’s weird that she has to say this at all. Then again, this entire year has been one shock after another, a brother and sister fighting isn’t end-of-the-world sort of cataclysmic, even if it feels like it is.

“Toph and Zuko?”

“Same as always.”

“...Suki?” The blankets shift again, this time, Katara sits up slowly.

She looks… a mess. Her hair’s unbound and damp with sweat, her face is thinner than Suki’s used to, beneath her eyes dark enough to look bruised.

Suki rubs the back of her palm, anyway, helping her stand when it becomes evident that she wants to. Katara lets her do this, too.

“Are Zuko and Sokka still fighting?” There’s guilt there, in the hunch of shoulders. Guilt and something else Suki knows very well. Looking at the metal ceiling of the airship, Suki can only sigh.

“I know I don’t really have much place for an opinion but, I mean, I don’t have a Gran. Mine died when I was very young, and I don’t remember much of her, but I think if I had a chance, I would’ve wanted to see her again, if only for a time.”

“Why didn’t you bring that up when we started fighting about it two days ago?” Suki shrugs, feeling weightless.

“Slipped my mind. C’mon, now, dinner’s this way.”

“You must’ve been really hungry, Sweetness.” Toph greets them at the front of the engine room, face scrunched up as if she’d bitten into something sour (or as if she wants to cry).

“Toph, you’re here.” Katara says. She’s moving forward before Suki can even process her words, loosening her fingers from Suki’s grip before bending down and wrapping Toph up in what looks to be a very tight hug.

“I wanted something to nibble on.” She says. “Everything alright?”

Toph frowns.

“No, but Sokka’s finally calmed down some. He’s still really pissy though, it’s stupid.”

“Yeah.” Katara laughs.

“Zuko?” Suki thinks to ask, coming to stand beside both girls. Toph puffs out a long breath.

“The usual.”

Suki has to hand it to the earthbender, she knows when she’s supposed to talk about things when it’s inappropriate, and so on. Aang was a sore topic, still- will probably always be, by this point. But of all of them, Zuko was the only one related to Aang’s murderer.

They try not to bring it up as much as possible- at least, she and Toph don’t. It’s particularly hard for Katara and Sokka to swallow, despite that they’ve all become close in the weeks leading up to Sozin’s comet. Zuko had been an enemy once, and though they’ve long forgiven him for it, Aang is still dead and Zuko is here with them.

It’s like hanging a sack of fresh meat out in the open, no traps, no defenses. Even if Zuko’s being here is completely reasonable, it still hurts.

“Are you going to talk to them?” Toph asks, blunt as ever. Katara sighs.

“I guess? Yeah.”

They don’t solve their issues that night, or even on the eve of their landing in the Southern Water Tribe. Katara and Sokka are both very stubborn people, and Zuko, hurt by that same stubbornness, is not as amenable as he usually tries to be.

As Toph said, though, it was a stupid problem. Even if it still…hurts, well.

Water Tribe Gran-Gran or no, the three of them will come around eventually.


End file.
